Saturday, January 28, 2017

New settings

The following is a topic I've rambled about before. It's a subject near and dear to my heart and all the hearts of men out there.


Well actually, the settings on the machines. I'm convinced they were put there by ancient aliens, or cryptic Egyptians from the times of the Pharaohs. They make no sense in the modern world unless you own a dry cleaning business. Well, they don't use those kinds of machines in their business Robert, you say. If that's what you believe, you've been sucked into their world of lies.

Let's start with the washing machine.
There are things that say cotton, delicate, heavy, normal, light and such. Does anyone really know what these mean? I don't. The only thing I want heavy is a custard filled donut. Take 'heavy' for instance. Is that heavy once it's wet or before it goes in? It's heavier after its wet. How about cotton. Is anything really made out of cotton these days? Then there's the water settings. You can't tell how much it fills because every time you lift the lid to look inside it stops.

Now, take a step back and look at the dryer.
How come none of those setting match the ones on the washer? Ah, now you're catching on. If this wasn't a plot against all men, they should read the same. The only thing I do with the dryer is shrink My Beloved's clothing. Funny how nothing of mine shrinks. It's all made out of the same stuff.

Permanent press, delicate, more, the heck am I supposed to know how long something takes to dry? The machine's manuals don't even tell you that stuff.
I need different settings on the dryer. I need plain Anglish... jeans (you put in jeans), towels ( you put in ...okay, you get the idea), men's underwear, women's things, t-shirts, sweaters, braziers (okay, I don't think I'm really supposed to put those in but I have), and the coup de gras, mixed, the magic button that lets you put everything in that you have in one load and they come out perfectly dry and the same size as when they went in.

If there is truly going to be peace between the sexes in our time, we need to start with the laundry.

Oh, I forgot about 'bedding'. Gotta have a button for bedding. Might even need a separate button for fitted sheets, but that's a whole other topic.