Saturday, April 2, 2011

It's just too complicated

I am generally a good housemate for My Beloved. I do my share of the housework, cleaning, cooking and the like. I even do as much or more of the laundry than does she. I have a system, simple as it is. One pile of blacks, one of whites and one of everything else. That should work, shouldn't it?

My clothing consists of mostly T-shirts, polo shirts, khaki pants and jeans. It makes for a nice and simple ritual. When I do laundry, three in and three out. When it comes to My Beloved's clothing the entire system breaks down. When she's not here it goes very quickly. When she's here, I have questions. Does this go in the dryer? How long? I have to hang these? Why? Last night was a new one. I have to turn these inside out? Why? What do you mean they'll fuzz? Why won't they fuzz the other way? Oh.

After a few hours there are clothes hanging all over the family room, most in some state of wetness. Don't hang them that way, it'll leave bumps. As you can tell, most of the issues center around the dryer. I'll fess up, I have ruined more of her clothes than mine. Why? Mine are simple. After all, I only own two colors of socks, black and white.

Perhaps some day some inventor will go on the show Shark Tank and propose a new super fabric and then all the clothing we have will be made out of that. It will require no more separated laundry due to compatibility issues or color fading. Oh, wait. They tried that once, it was called polyester. It worked fine until someone made it into a leisure suit. Stupid idiot.


  1. And polyester scorches too.

    I have the same problem with Mrs North's clothing. If it is unmentionables (did I just mention unmentionables?), they go in with my whites/lights. If they are her darker colors, they get washed together with mine but ne'er a dryer shall see.

    Designers know men care little about their clothes, so they are all made out of easy-to-care-for fabrics. They make their money from the women, as each piece of clothing is made of a different fabric which must be cared for differently as well. And all of them are priced much higher than men's clothing. My theory is if a woman purchases two of the same type of fabric at the same time, the clerk hits a secret button that zaps one of the pieces of clothing, which then magically makes itself not fit, thus forcing the HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND to return the item.

  2. Wait, you're supposed to turn dark clothes inside out when washing them? What? who makes these rules? and most importantly, does that really work?