Monday, February 15, 2010

An open letter...

Dear Nobel Prize Committee:

I would like to take this time to submit for your consideration the nomination of United States President Albert Gore, Jr. as the next winner of the Nobel Prize for Peace, the Nobel Prize for Science, and the Nobel Prize for Economics.

I am making this extraordinary triple nomination for President Gore's diligent work behind the scenes to personally undertake to solve the current Global Warming Crisis, and I believe he has spectacularly done just that.

I also want to note here that prior to President Gore's incredible achievement I was diametrically opposed to anything and everything that he has heretofore attempted to do to impose a solution upon us in order to resolve this crisis. I am now bowing to his superior intellect, and realize that I have been wrong about the man and what he has tried to do.

I wish to place President Gore's name in nomination for the Nobel Prize for Peace because he has saved Humanity from the terrors and devastation that would have been caused had the polar ice caps and glaciers all melted, and the sea levels risen to record levels.

I wish to place President Gore's name in nomination for the Nobel Prize for Science, as he has proven beyond all doubt his superior intellect by coming up with an ingenious yet simple solution to the Global Warming Crisis, thereby rendering useless all the studies previously completed that had proposed various remedies for solving Global Warming.

I wish to place President Gore's name in nomination for the Nobel Prize for Economics because he has saved all of Humanity untold billions of dollars in Global Warming combat measures, which will allow all of mankind to spend their money on other things instead of having to buy expensive and likely non-working products that would have done little to bring about an end to Global Warming.

The reactionary critics of President Gore have been clamoring: "Where is Algore during this crisis?" Oh ye of little faith! President Gore has been laboring secretly behind the scenes to bring about an end to the Global Warming Crisis, and has been able to convince Gaia* to send a series of powerful snowstorms to dramatically lower temperatures and provide more snow to build up the glaciers and polar ice caps to preserve them for The Children of Future Generations. That some of these glaciers appear to be starting to build up in the central, eastern, and southern states of our country, where they have not been present in possibly thousands of years, is a bit of a problem, but I am certain that President Gore will be able to solve that conundrum in due course.

I realize that Albert Gore, Jr. has yet to take office as President of the United States of America, but that wrong will certainly be righted soon as the Supreme Court of the United States of America unanimously votes to overturn their mistaken ruling that George W. Bush should have been named president. I would urge you, though, to use your enormous influence both within the United States and the United Nations to make certain President Gore assumes his rightful office as quickly as possible.

Respectfully yours,

North of 50

*I would have said "God", but President Gore and his friends only believe in "god", if at all.


  1. Dear Mr. North of Fifty

    We will consider your request at the appropriate time. And, we wish Mr. Gore success in his coming election bid.

    The Nobel Prize Committee

  2. Thank you, Mr Nobel Prize Committee Secretary, for your prompt attention to my nominations. I hope to hear from you soon.

    I also failed to mention that Mr. Gore's achievements are so incredible that I believe he should be given these Prizes immediately, and thereby spare other, less worthy nominees the embarrassment of having to contend with his vaunted skill set this coming year.

  3. Perhaps our most recent winner Mr. Obama could just give Mr. Gore his prize. It might be faster that way.

    Mr. General Secretary
    Nobel Prize Search Committee

  4. As the original "anonymous", I object to the imposter who might have given the impression that I applaud the cynicism inherent in this appraisal. As humor, it almost works, but it generally denigrates the work/opinion of a body of individuals who have given consideration to the fate of the world and human race for decades. Like it or not, it is merely an "opinion" as to excellence or hope. Your diatribe is merely a loosely configurated conservative discontent with views other than your own. Long live free speech - both in this little vignette and in the world at large! Be grateful that you have that freedom.

  5. I was never under the impression that a worthy award such as a Nobel Prize was given merely for "hope", but actually signified "progress" in some area.

    That all changed this year with the establishment of the Nobel Prize for Not Being George W. Bush.

    I also am amused by the thought that I am giving vent to something I disagree with merely because it is of a different opinion than mine. Not only have I not seen any evidence of such a calamity as has been proposed, but it was merely 30 years ago that those same scientist-types were predicting the calamity of Global Cooling, which was going to doom us all. Not only did that not come about, it was a complete reversal of course.

    Now, we are seeing that the entire basis for Global Warming seems to have been built on a house of cards, and may collapse very soon.

    And, who is to say that an increase in temperatures is a bad thing for most of us? Why should the southern and western US have all the warm temps to themselves?

  6. Because we like it that way and don't want to share - that's why!