Sunday, March 7, 2010

The Cosmo Prophesies

No, not Kramer. I'm speaking of the all-knowing, all-seeing, all guy-interpreting women's magazine. They again are letting their faithful know what us guys really mean. This time lets see how well they really know 'guy-speak'.

Guy says...
1. Lets hang out sometime: Cosmo thinks it means he's afraid to ask you out for fear you'll say no. I'm not buying that one. It is just one way for guys who think they're cool to get a first step in. Either that or they're blowing you off in a polite way.

2. I'll call you later: Cosmo thinks it means he'll call you between now and three months. Well, that may have some legs but more likely he won't call you at all unless he gives a definitive time frame.

3. My Ex is crazy: Cosmo thinks it means I messed her up and she got upset. I don't even know what that means. Most guys I know mean their 'ex' is a lunatic.

4. That guy seems like a good friend of yours: Cosmo thinks it means, was there anything ever between you? Okay, they nailed that one.

5. It's a long story: Cosmo thinks it means its a story that makes me look bad. That's one possible explanation, but it could also mean that was a lot more hassle than it was really worth.

6. That's a new look: Cosmo thinks it means 'you look weird'. Here's where this one breaks down; unless you completely revamp your entire image and wardrobe most guys won't even notice.

7. Why are you being so emotional? Cosmo thinks it means 'why are you being psycho? That would be the high end of it but likely it means why are you overreacting to something so small?

8. That's not what I meant: Cosmo thinks it means 'that's what I meant but now I see you're upset and I shouldn't have said it out loud. That's one possible scenario and it could also mean you are twisting my words and/or throwing back something in my face that has absolutely nothing to do with what this discussion is about.

9. It's fine: Cosmo thinks it means it's not really fine but I don't want to talk about it now. I can live with that but most men say what they mean and it's fine means it's fine, no big deal.

10. Can we talk about this later? Cosmo says it means I never want to talk about this again. More than likely it means my argument at this particular time sucks and I need to rethink it if I'm going to win this.

All in all I would rate their advise to women on this as a C- at best. We as men have come to realize when it comes to dealing with women unless we are in a totally hopeless situation we usually say what we mean.