It has now been two weeks since the death of my brother. It is a disconcerting time for us all. We are a close family and generally always have been. As we grow older through our twenties and into our thirties, families do tend to slip away from each other however I believe as the new challenges of raising our own families takes hold, we tend to find our way back to each other as siblings.
When you lose someone close, someone you're not supposed to lose so early, your equilibrium of sorts, gets thrown off. It's similar to watching one of those movies where the main character is out of sequence with the world he or she lives in. Perhaps those he knows don't recognize him. Perhaps he is only able to look in on the others he cares about, like an angel, but can't reach out and touch them, can't reach out and influence them. He stares at the world as he moves through it, numb, apart.
For the past two weeks that is how I have felt as I returned to work, gathered with family and tried to get on with life. I am sure my brother's wife and children feel much the same way, though I am sure to a much greater extent. His children have been remarkably strong facing such a tragic turn and although they are parents themselves, I think they have taken another step in growth and love and their bond has grown with each other and their families.
I think the human heart has an incredible ability to heal itself. It will take time to fully re-engage with the world and feel the sights and sounds of place as I once did. It will happen and the more I am around my family and my brother's family, the quicker that will happen.
We share a bond of tremendous love, we just have to let it slip back in to our consciousness and the laughter will return and the memories of our loved one will be those we cherish.